Judge and Jury: Albus Dumbledore's Trial
by myflyingbroomstick
Summary: This came to me as the result of seeing way too many ridiculous Dumbledore bashing fics and falling asleep after binge reading Harry Potter fanfiction. Basically this was a dream I had where we were in fandom court, Albus Dumbledore is on trial for all these accusations that he's getting in fanfic and I'm his lawyer. Let's see how the case plays out. Oneshot, don't own Harry Potter


Two figures enter the Wizengamot chambers, one of them tall and silver haired draped in fuschia robes and matching pointed hat. A shorter dark skinned figure (me) was by his side, a file tucked under her arm and wearing a pressed white blouse and black skirt. Striding up to the podium, they both took their places as a group of men and woman with scowls on their faces sat at the opposite podium.

Judge: "Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, you have hereby been charged with embezzlement, stealing from the Potter vaults, numerous cases of mind control and compulsion charms used illegally, slander and libel, rape and sexual assault of many minors, planning to turn a group of children into your obedient soldiers, and letting a child grow up in an abusive environement so you could mold him. How do you plead?"

Dumbledore: *looks at me, I nod, then back to the jury* Not guilty your honor.

Judge: Really? There seems to be a lot of evidence against you…

Me: IT'S FAKE! FAKE I TELL YA, IT'S ALL LIES!

Judge: *glares*

Me: sits down, embarrassed.

Accusers: smirks and holds up large envelope.

Me: nervous as fuck but tries not to show it, pats Dumbledore's hand.

Dumbledore: Your honor, I assure you. I have never in my life stolen a single Knut from the Potter vaults. How could I, I don't have the key. Anyway, you know me. You all know me, yes I stand before you today as a man who has made many mistakes, mistakes that are more grievous that you could ever imagine. I have done wrong. But mostly to make a right. Your honors, I beg you. I would never do something so depraved as rape a child, that is absolutely untrue. And compulsion charms?! Take my wand, test it if you will, I have performed no such charms. I don't need to. Yes I admit I left Harry in a bad place, and to my immense failure I did not help him or check on him. But I only did it to save him from getting killed! Voldemort was after him, I had to protect him. The other charges are equally ridiculous. You can take my memories, give me Veritaserum, I did not do these things.

Judge: *Looks over accusers' evidence* Mr. Dumbledore, the plaintiffs present a rather strong case. And very convincingly written as well. You on the other hand have no evidence with you.

Dumbledore: *looks at me*

Me: We got this in the bag. Don't worry, I have the secret weapon. Your Honor, I have something to present! Vials of Albus Dumbledore's memories as well as his wand, several witness testimonies, and seven books here that detail the life of one Harry James Potter.

Me: Proceeds to go verbal toe to toe with the lawyer on the opposing side as well as presenting my argument to the judge, getting so passionate that the judge glares again.

Judge: Takes evidence, deliberates while me and Dumbledore just stand there, he pats my arm because I look more nervous than him right now.

*RECESS*

Back in the courtroom, Judge: "Well, we have deliberated carefully and with consideration, we have weighed your evidences and now we are coming to our conclusion. Has the jury reached a verdict?

Jury: We hereby find the defendant, Mister Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore…not guilty on any of these charges. And we find the plaintiffs guilty of falsifying evidence, slander, libel, and attempting to tamper with legal proceedings. Mister Dumbledore you are free to go. The plaintiff will get twenty years in Fandom jail.

Dumbledore: Thanking the judge vigorously.

Me: WE WON, YEAH BOY YEAH! WOOOOOO! *proceeds to do victory laps around the courtroom like a kid high on pixy sticks*

Accusers: *crying as they're taken away*

Dumbledore: *hugs me* You were brilliant young lady! I wasn't worried, but I am honored that I got such a staunch defender.

Me: *hugs him back* Not bad from a Mudblood lawyer from Louisiana, eh?

Dumbledore: *frowns* Don't insult yourself Miss Nelson, I believe the term is Muggle-born.

Me: Yeah, whatever. Let's go to…y'all got a wizard Sonic out here, I want some milkshakes and tater tots!

Dumbledore: What is Sonic? And tater tots?

Me: Welp, off to the Muggle world we go! *grabs his hand and drags him away while he looks so confused but excited.*

Me: I can't believe you haven't had Sonic.

Though in the alternative ending, he might get slammed with some jail time for the Dursleys. He might get out in about five years though ;)


End file.
